What We Get Wrong About Boundaries

Defining Boundaries: A Therapist’s Perspective

It’s become a popular topic, the concept of boundaries. But, as therapist Zar notes, it’s often misunderstood. “We think that setting a boundary sounds like, ‘Hey, Mom, don’t call me while I’m at work.’ But what it actually sounds like is, ‘If you call me during the workday, I won’t pick up.'” This subtle distinction is crucial to understanding what boundaries are and how to set them effectively.

The Importance of Clear Communication

Boundaries are not about controlling others or dictating what they can and can’t do. Rather, they’re about communicating your own needs and limits clearly. When you set a boundary, you’re not saying what someone else can or can’t do; you’re saying what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not.

Common Misconceptions About Boundaries

One of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries is that they’re about being rigid or inflexible. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Boundaries are about being clear and consistent, not about being strict or unyielding. When you set a boundary, you’re not saying that you’ll never compromise or make exceptions. You’re simply saying what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not.

Setting Boundaries with Family and Friends

Setting boundaries with family and friends can be particularly challenging. After all, these are the people who are closest to us, and we may feel a strong sense of obligation or loyalty to them. However, it’s essential to remember that setting boundaries with loved ones is not about rejecting them or pushing them away. It’s about taking care of yourself and communicating your needs clearly.

Boundaries and Technology

In today’s digital age, setting boundaries with technology is more important than ever. This can be particularly challenging for teens, who are constantly connected to their phones and social media. However, it’s essential to set boundaries around screen time, social media use, and other forms of technology to maintain a healthy balance and protect your mental health.

Conclusion

Setting boundaries is not about controlling others or dictating what they can and can’t do. Rather, it’s about communicating your own needs and limits clearly. By understanding what boundaries are and how to set them effectively, you can take control of your life, communicate more effectively, and maintain healthy relationships.

FAQs

Q: What is the main purpose of setting boundaries?

A: The main purpose of setting boundaries is to communicate your own needs and limits clearly and maintain healthy relationships.

Q: Are boundaries about being rigid or inflexible?

A: No, boundaries are not about being rigid or inflexible. They’re about being clear and consistent, not about being strict or unyielding.

Q: Can I set boundaries with my family and friends?

A: Yes, you can set boundaries with your family and friends. In fact, it’s essential to set boundaries with loved ones to take care of yourself and communicate your needs clearly.

Q: How do I set boundaries with technology?

A: You can set boundaries with technology by setting limits around screen time, social media use, and other forms of technology to maintain a healthy balance and protect your mental health.

Q: What if someone disrespects my boundaries?

A: If someone disrespects your boundaries, it’s essential to communicate your needs clearly and consistently. You may also need to set consequences for when someone disrespects your boundaries. Remember, setting boundaries is not about controlling others; it’s about taking care of yourself and communicating your needs clearly.