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Healing Intergenerational Wounds in Therapy

Not to be dramatic, but some of us are the “chosen ones” in our family. We are the ones who have been chosen to take the challenging (and perhaps less traveled) path towards healthy mental and emotional wellbeing. If you find that you are experiencing emotional discomfort, that you are challenging some of your default thinking, that there is an increased awareness of wanting to do things differently, you just may be chosen.

A Personal Story

When I called my son from the other room, and instead of responding promptly, he decided to stroll in at his own pace, the visceral reaction was immediate. I felt my body tense up as I held my breath, and the thoughts that flooded my brain were thoughts of frustration and anger. But in that moment, I recognized that I was projecting my own past experiences onto my son.

I remembered growing up in an environment where my every move was controlled, and I did not have permission to express myself or set my own boundaries. In that moment, I recognized that I had inherited the same authoritarian lens that my parents had with me as a child, and that I had passed it down to my son.

The Process of Healing

The process of healing intergenerational wounds is not an easy one. It requires confronting the uncomfortable truths of our own and our family’s past, and it requires a willingness to change and grow.

Step 1: Develop an Understanding of Your Family of Origin

Healing intergenerational wounds begins with developing a understanding of your family of origin. This includes identifying the cultural and historical factors that have shaped your family’s dynamics, as well as recognizing how these factors have impacted your own sense of self and your relationships.

Step 2: Shed Feelings of Shame and Rooted in Stigma

Shame and stigma play a significant role in perpetuating generational issues. Your therapist can help you shed these feelings by providing a safe space for you to express yourself and by encouraging you to focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses.

Step 3: Celebrate Strengths and Resilience

Despite dysfunctions, traumas, and wounds, our families have strengths and resilience that can be celebrated. Your therapist can help you tap into these strengths, recognize how they have helped you survive in your family of origin, and discover how they can continue to serve you in the future.

Step 4: Validate Experiences and Foster Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a crucial part of the healing process. Your therapist can help you validate your emotions and experiences, and provide a supportive environment for you to work through difficult feelings and develop a sense of release and liberation.

Step 5: Develop Self-Compassion

Forgiveness is not a destination; it is a journey. And in order to be successful on this journey, we must develop a sense of self-compassion and replace harmful thinking patterns with loving and compassionate self-talk.

The Therapist’s Role

Your therapist plays a crucial role in the healing process. They can help you identify the patterns and cycles that have been passed down from your family of origin, and assist you in breaking free from these cycles. They can also provide you with tools and techniques to manage your emotions and develop a healthier sense of self.

Tips for Finding the Right Therapist

When searching for the right therapist, look for someone who has been trained in trauma-sensitive therapy and has experience working with clients who have experienced intergenerational trauma. Additionally, consider finding a therapist who has had cultural competency training to ensure that their approach is sensitive to your cultural background and experiences.

Conclusion

Healing intergenerational wounds in therapy is a process that requires courage, self-reflection, and a willingness to change and grow. By recognizing the patterns and cycles of behavior that have been passed down from our families of origin, and by working with a skilled therapist to develop a healthier sense of self and more adaptive coping strategies, we can break free from the past and create a healthier, more fulfilling future for ourselves and our families.

FAQs

Q: Who is the ideal candidate for intergenerational trauma therapy?
A: Individuals who have experienced intergenerational trauma or who have a family history of trauma are ideal candidates for this type of therapy.

Q: What are the key components of intergenerational trauma therapy?
A: The key components include understanding your family of origin, shedding feelings of shame and stigma, celebrating strengths and resilience, validating experiences and fostering forgiveness, and developing self-compassion.

Q: What is the role of self-compassion in intergenerational trauma therapy?
A: Self-compassion is a crucial component of intergenerational trauma therapy. It involves treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and acceptance in order to develop a more compassionate and loving sense of self.

Q: Who can I turn to for support throughout the healing process?
A: Individuals can turn to their therapist, support group, or online community for support and connection throughout the healing process.